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12 August 2005 @ 11:13 pm
My maternal grandmother had a major stroke this morning.  I'm still in shock from the news.  She's still alive, but in a state that I wouldn't wish on anyone.

I don't know what to hope for.  The selfish part of me wants her to recover (and fast enough to be well enough to come to the wedding two weeks from tomorrow - which I know isn't realistic, but it's what I want anyway dammit), and the grandson that has seen her suffer through constant pain and a body that's been failing her in awful ways for several years wants her pain to end as quickly as possible, for her sake.  Not to mention for the sake of those who care for her - I was on the sidelines watching my first girlfriend's mother slowly deteriorate for over a year (and I came late onto the scene) before she finally passed.  Slow death is not a pleasant process for anybody around it.

It's been a very strange day filled with dealing with wedding-related stuff to keep myself busy, interspersed with the occasional breakdown.

I just don't know what to hope for.
Current Mood: conflicted
Nentikobe - a work in progressnentikobe on August 13th, 2005 09:18 am (UTC)
That's how I feel about my Nanny. She doesn't know anyone, she doesn't eat, drink, or think properly anymore. She's a vegetable.

I want her around... but...

and it's the but that hurts so much. *hugs hard* wish I could deliver a real one.
Idtechnomonkey on August 13th, 2005 03:02 pm (UTC)
One way's awful for you, the other's awful for her.

My Nanny is the opposite. She's showing all sorts of signs of being fully aware. She recognizes people, she seems to understand when you talk to her...she just has no control over her body. Can't talk, can't really move.

I appreciate the hug. I too wish it were for real. =(
Shandylittlerowdyone on August 13th, 2005 04:58 pm (UTC)
Oh my friend...how I understand your pain all too well *sigh*. I will give you a hug today, even if it is 11:59pm. It is very normal to have such torn thoughts. Do not think or let anyone tell you otherwise. You know some of what we have gone throught with my MIL (mother in law). If you need more than a hug....just reach out and we will be there for you both!
bdbdbbdbdb on August 17th, 2005 10:30 pm (UTC)
I'm so sorry you have to go through this. If you want to talk about it, I am always here! And congrats on the (quickly!) upcoming nuptuals, I'm really happy for you! :)