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23 September 2004 @ 03:36 pm
I Tried to Forget You In Vain  
My apologies in advance for the stream-of-consciousness rambling form of this post. Not much sleep last night...

When I perform with MOH, I try to commit to what I'm doing - be in the moment, etc. In Portland, we sang "The Song of the South" and I had to find "my Dixie" - which I did, in the form of Jen. It was very easy to commit to the ideal I was singing about when I thought of her.

Conversely, when you're happily in love with someone and need to commit to the performance of a song about the pain associated with lost love, you need to rely on memory to do it.

Here's our current contest ballad:

We used to laugh, we used to love, we used to always sing,
We'd walk along the street and hear the church bells ring.
"Johnny and Susie will marry soon" -
those were the words of our lover's tune.
But now you have gone, 'cause I had to stray
And this is all I can say:
What a fool I have been to try to forget you,
Try to forget you in vain, in vain.
What a fool I have been for causing this breakup,
Causing us both such pain.
Just a few hasty words that made you cry
That was the night we said "good-bye."
Now I've come back to say, "I'm sorry, let's make up."
I tried to forget you in vain, my dear.
Your memory haunts me,
The thrill of you taunts me.
I tried to forget you in vain.

In vain.

Why do I bring this up? Well, I got an e-mail from Leah today. She's as close to the song's Susie as I've got, and the emotions work for the performance, so I've been picturing her when I sing it. (some could misconstrue this as emotionally cheating on Jen, but I don't see it that way and I hope she doesn't either)

In my life, there have been a few great friendships that I've let slip by the wayside, and while I recognize that this was entirely my fault and the patterns that allowed it to happen are still there (and therefore it would happen again), I'd love to see them rekindled to what they once were. Among them are sencollins, who tries more often than I do and deserves a better friend than I seem to be; Jim Hill, who I hear about more often than from; stabbymotions, who I saw last year and truly intended to keep in touch with, but haven't called, visited, or written to; and Leah. Those are really the big four that I think about and miss on a regular basis. (I'd include Kevin here, but we actually talk once every couple months, which is more than I have with any of the other four. Not enough, but better.) If you're reading this and think you should be on the list but aren't, don't be insulted - I miss a LOT of people from my past --- these are just the ones that haunt me regularly.

Anyway, considering that not only is she in my "big four" of lost friendships, but that she's my Susie, I thought it was funny that Leah's letter included the query: "Remember me?"

I hope this post doesn't scare her off (I did give her the URL in my reply e-mail - welcome aboard, Leah!). But I did want to say that our friendship was among the most special I've ever had, and forgetting her was never an option.

I tried to forget you, in vain.
Current Mood: nostalgicnostalgic
Jackass #01: Lanternstabbymotions on September 24th, 2004 07:12 pm (UTC)
I firmly believe friendship is a two-way street. I am probably the world's biggest slacker when it comes to keeping in touch with friends.

I want you to know that even though I don't respond to your posts most of the time, I do read them. I do follow along. I enjoy reading about your life. If anything, I am slacking for not posting. I will try and be better about this. And as cliche as this sounds, if you are ever passing through San Luis Obispo, give me a call. :) Hell... give me a call anyway, and leave me a message with your number. I always have so many minutes left by end of the month that I really don't have any excuses. :)
You might also want to give me you address info. I dont travel all that much but you never know. There are lots of things I like to share with you... I just don't really like the posting life stuff thing. I mainly use LJ for viewing others posts.

And if Mr. Collins and your brother are reading this, all the above pertain to them too.
sencollins on October 2nd, 2004 08:38 pm (UTC)
Hey Neat! I Made a Top 4 list!
If only it was a good top four list...

Sorry for not following up on this earlier. DSL modem has been dead for about a month. Took multiple calls to SBC, giving up, one call to my dad/ your brother (they work together and put me on conference...odd), a paypal order on ebay, and another call to my dad (why doesn't this darn thing work?), but now I can actually cruise the web... So here is your response...

It isn't like I've really made a huge effort either. A call here, an email or IM there. On the other hand, you actually packed the car (and Jen...) and drove by. (Can't remember the name of the boardgame, but that was fun). It seems to have gotten like that with almost everyone. Saw Jim a month ago for Kranzler's wedding. But other than Young (who works in the building behind me) I don't see or talk to very many of my Ventura friends. Distance tends to do that. Anyway, the nostalgic feeling is mutual. Feel free to shoot me a line, or just drop an IM occassionally. Who knows a phone call may even happen from time to time or a sighting around holidays.
Tell General Hawk, Animan, and all the others hello. GO Joel!