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30 November 2003 @ 01:34 am
Went to the gym today at 4. By 4:15, I was dizzy, my heart was pounding, and I couldn't really do much more. My trainer had me sit for a bit, and got me an energy bar. Oh, THAT'S what happened, my body told me. You forgot to have lunch, you moron!

The energy bar helped a lot. Plus, we went from the usual very active exercises to considerably less active and involved exercizes - primarily having to do with balance. By the end of the hour, we were able to do our normal Core Muscles exercizes, which is always a good (if painful) thing. Brian, my trainer, told me I showed a lot of heart by sticking it through - a lot of people would have quit for the day.

"Sure, but I don't come to show heart. I wish I could have shown some muscle."

"The heart's a muscle."

Oh, sure. Give me some perspective...
30 November 2003 @ 01:46 am
So I've been going to fewer and fewer sessions of AOKP recently. Part of that's probably Jen's influence, but part of it is a sense of caring less and less. The fantasy world in there doesn't interest me as much as it did (in fact, the extensive soap opera nature of it often gets on my nerves), and the constant feeling of inadequecy caused by not being able to think as fast on my feet as many of the people there gets to me. Plus, there's quite a bit of politics in the nature of the game which didn't used to perturb me, but recently has been a lot more.

The past few Seasons of AOKP, I've been able to attend the Night of Grand Questing very rarely. The one that happened a couple weeks ago was unique in that I really didn't care that I missed it. Which isn't a reflection on anyone involved, but rather on my interest in this activity.

The social aspects of the group can be great. There's a lot of people in there, some of whom are probably reading this, that I'd really like to be able to hang out with in non-AOKP related situations. (Among other things, you don't really get to know the real people very well when you only encounter them as their characters) But my interst in AOKP itself is very much waning.

I think that can be viewed as sad and as liberating at the same time.

Sorry for the stream of consciousness nature of this post, but that's what happens when you type whatever pops in your head while half asleep...