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26 November 2006 @ 11:00 am
A step  
Today, I removed myself from the AOKP e-mail list.  It's been a long time since I've seen something on there that applied to me, and it frequently frustrates me on several levels.

I miss AOKP.  I would not belong there if I returned.  Not that I could - it's a major weekly time commitment, and I have way too many of those as it is.

I dunno.  Maybe this step will help me move forward.  I hope so.
Current Mood: conflicted
fuzzygondolfuzzygondol on November 26th, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)
totally understandable... hopefully you'll at least consider coming back for big events every so often, if they fit into your busy schedule :)
Idtechnomonkey on November 28th, 2006 06:31 am (UTC)
Thanks, but doubtful
One thing I noticed while I was around is that it is absolutely impossible to fade into the woodwork once you've been gone for a while. Hiding in a dark corner is easy when you're there week to week, but show up after a hiatus, and people want a "where the hell ya been" story out of you, they want their characters to interact with your character, they want you to improv.

Which is fine and all, but it's also the part of the game I was always horrible at. I can't tell a story to save my life, I can't improv with enough speed to keep up with the people there -- generally what I enjoyed most was when I could disappear and watch the proceedings, interjecting occasionally when I had something fun to add. Now that I've been gone for a while, that's just unrealistic.

All of which has nothing to do with the interpersonal stuff -- There are people in the group whose energy and mine don'e mix very well at the moment. Whether or not they have ill feelings for me, we just shouldn't be in the same room at the same time right now. And sad to say, I don't see that changing in the foreseeable future.

But it's OK - I'm fairly consumed by my studies at this point in my life, and when that changes it'll be because I've moved and started my practice, at which point my coming in for AOKP is even less likely. Closing this chapter in my life really is the right thing to do. It's just not a chapter that closes easily. =/
Shandylittlerowdyone on November 28th, 2006 04:56 am (UTC)
*pout* *pout*
Idtechnomonkey on November 28th, 2006 06:33 am (UTC)
The truth is that no matter how much I wanted to, and no matter how much good AOKP did for me at the time, I never really belonged in that group. That's become more and more obvious with the time passing since my last event. I'll get over it - and I'm sure that it's been years since it's gotten over me.